boejucci.

Letters.

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 19:59:29 -0400

These days it’s become very popular to write messages to your children and allow them to read them as they grow up. Some people are setting up Gmail accounts and sending messages. Some people have set up Facebook pages which, since the change to a timeline format, seem to fit the bill very well. But regardless of the vehicle, the end result remains the same: reminders of important events, pictures of family and friends, and personalized messages encouraging the child.

This whole process makes me wish I could send myself, my former self, messages. I wish I could write letters or send emails to my younger self with encouragement, kind of like a bad movie or a low budget TV show. But I wouldn’t try to change the course of history; no, that would only cause problems. Instead I would send messages that kept me going; messages that said all of the things I really needed to hear at the time.

It’s okay.

Keep going.

That relationship wasn’t supposed to work out.

Dont screw up this opportunity!

Be humble.

Take it slow.

Well done.

These are all things I’ve wanted to hear from time to time as I experienced events I wasn’t necessarily ready to handle. If I got these letters, if I had an opportunity to receive a little advice from the older and more experienced me, maybe I would have progressed a little better and been more prepared to go where God was sending me.

And that brings me to now: God has flipped my world upside down, torn up my foundation and ripped every ounce of security I had right out of my selfish little hands. I’m not sure I’d call my current situation a train wreck, but a tail spin might be appropriate. So what now? What letter do I need to read? What would the older, more experienced me write to me?

Trust.

Big, bold and in sharpie. Trust.

Stop thinking about your security; you don’t need it. Stop worrying about your direction; that’s all taken care of. Stop thinking about what you’ve done up till this point and start listening to God; He’s always had a plan.

The issue that I run into is that I’m not the older me and I don’t have his counsel! I don’t know how this works out and I’m afraid that I have limited my sight and, in so doing, my faith. I am scared because I don’t know what His plans are or how this will play out—but that shouldn’t matter. What matters is this: Luke 12; Jeremiah 29; 2 Timothy 1. God has called us to trust when we see no way out; to believe when we do not understand. He has promised us that he will provide, and all we have to do is trust Him and follow where he leads. It may be uncomfortable and it may lead us away from what we had planned, but in return we have the opportunity to be a part of the greatest mission this fragile earth has ever seen: to praise God and further His kingdom.

It’s okay. Keep going. Be humble. Trust.

What letter do you need to read right now?

Dead Weight.

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 09:55:10 -0500

I just finished writing an entire post about how I’ve felt recently without actually portraying how I’ve felt. I decided to erase it and just put all my cards out.

I feel beat up.

There is no one responsible for this feeling other than myself. If you are privy to the events of last month than you may think otherwise, but let me be clear: I am responsible. In any situation, we humans try to pass blame to others, so as to avoid humiliation and defeat, but if we’re really honest with ourselves we can say that truthfully we are to blame. Regardless of how much or little you can accept right now, we are responsible. Now that I’ve cleared that up, I’ll move on.

It’s times like these that good friends and family are all you’ve got. My attorney and my life insurance agent aren’t calling me to help me sort this out. My coworkers (past) aren’t calling to check in on me. It’s my closest friends, whom I consider to be my family, and my actual blood that check in and help out. As encouraging as it is to know people care about you, it’s tough to receive help in any form. If you’ve known me for anything more than a few minutes, you’ve probably gathered that I can be quite arrogant and, try as I might, I can’t seem to shake the need to retain some kind of pride. I consider my talents gifts because I have seen God use them and I have seen Him remove them (or their use) when they do not serve His purpose. Each breath I have is also a gift, knowing full well that I should have died a number of times, most recently, and obviously, March of last year. But for all I can give away, I can’t stand being dependent.

I feel like dead weight.

In my mind, I see my family (close friends included) walking around with bags of bricks, switching them from one shoulder to another, trying to breath while the weight crushes their lungs. I feel like a burden and, as a proud man, that is an impossible feeling to bear.

But wait: I’m here, right? I’m breathing. I’m alive in every sense of the word. Is this the way I should be using my thoughts and my days?

I am not prone to surrender. Try as I might, it has never been easy for me. But in situations like the one I’m in right now, what else is there to do? Should I pretend to make it by the sweat of my brow, or give in to something bigger? If I am a man who believes Christ to be the Son of God and that He died to save the world - to save me - then I have to believe that He is made strong when I am weak; I have to believe that He will continue to give me grace when I do not deserve it; I have to believe that he has surrounded me with people who can bear my burdens when I cannot. There is no option but to surrender and watch as He holds me up.

I guess the point was to be dead weight all along.

Rough.

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 14:49:05 -0500

These days scruff is all the rage. I wish I could grow a real beard that I could be cool like all the real men in the world, but alas, a neard is all I can manage (that’s a neck beard for those not hip to the lingo). Most of the people that I spend time with are pros at appearing disheveled and disorganized while still actually being well put together. I tend to fall somewhere in the middle between disheveled and put together, mostly because that is an accurate representation of my life! I embody those that don’t care and don’t try, but unfortunately aren’t apathetic enough to actually look cool.

It would appear I’m pretty rough around the edges.

Part of me is quite content being frayed; I’m a twenty-three year old punk kid who speaks his mind too often and thinks he knows much more than he actually does. This piece of me thrives on being judged and oft looked down on for being a bit mangled. I try to convince myself that this is either building character or that it is the actual manifestation of a character I’ve already thoroughly developed. While some would say those statements may actually have a bit of clout, I’m not too sure they do anymore.

There is another part of me that is beaten up; this is not the strong-willed portion of me referred to above, rather it is the part of me that actually feels rough, feels bruised and broken. This part sees the part above as an illness, an infection that has the potential to slip deeper and deeper into my being until I am no longer rough around the edges, but rough the whole way through. This part fears rejection and criticism and hides alone, wondering if the arrogant piece of me will wither away. This part has lost all hope that a change can be made and that a man can be redeemed.

There is one other prominent piece of me that doesn’t make an appearance as often as it should: the repentant, humbled part that looks to God with hope and promise. This part understands that youth will make a man proud and talent even more so. This part is assured that change will come and that a man will arise from the ashes of a tattered boy. This part wishes deeply to learn and grow, leaning on strong men who have already made the journey. That piece of me has given up, not hope, but control. It prays to a perfect God for courage and honor to be given to an imperfect man so that he can be fully invested in his Lord’s plan.

Can you take a guess which piece is rearing its ugly, feeble head today?

I know that change happens, but I’m also aware that it takes time. In my opinion it’s not the changing that’s hard, it’s the patience to see it completed. As Eugene Peterson put it, it is a long obedience in the same direction. My task now is to cling to obedience; to cling to that part of me that believes in the promises God has made, to seek God expectantly. I am not now who I will be, but I am no longer who I was and there is certainly peace in that.

Thoughts?

Male and Female: We're Like Computers.

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 14:10:36 -0500

I was told to blog this by @brightheaded. You are welcome.

Men are like Mac OSX: simple to use and understand (for the most part) to the novice and expert alike. If you invest more and more time, you can get into some very complex and wonderful things, but you can also just skim the surface and still make movies and websites. At times there may be some confusion, but for the most part it’s all about big buttons and simple text.

Women are like Windows: you would think that it would be simple to use because, after all, you’ve been using it since you were a kid and your parents bought their first computer. But no. Nothing is simple, there is always some critical piece of software missing and it constantly tells you that you’re an idiot because you don’t know how to properly work it.

But are women really like Windows? Or more like Linux?

Yeah, women are like Linux: only a handful of people really understand how to use it and the rest of us pretend we do so that we can look cool.

So there you have it. Male and Female: We’re like computers.

"Here and Heaven - Goat Rodeo Session (Lyrics by Chris Thile + Aoife O’Donovan) With a hammer..."

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 15:23:00 -0500

“

Here and Heaven - Goat Rodeo Session (Lyrics by Chris Thile + Aoife O’Donovan)

With a hammer and nails and a fear of failure we are building a shed
Between here and heaven, between the wait and the wedding
Or as long as we both shall be dead to the world
Beyond the boys and the girls trying to keep us calm
We can practice our lines ‘til we’re deaf and blind
To ourselves, to each other, where it’s
Fall, not winter, spring, not summer, cool, not cold
And it’s warm, not hot, have we all forgotten that we’re getting old

With an arrow and bow and some seeds left to sow, we are staking our claim
On ground so fertile, we forget who we’ve hurt along the way
And reach out for a strange hand to hold
Someone strong, but not bold enough to tear down the wall
‘Cause we aren’t lost enough to find, the stars aren’t crossed, why align them
And why fall hard not soft into
Fall, not winter, spring, not summer, cool, not cold
And it’s warm, not hot, have we all forgotten that we’re getting old

And it’s fall, not winter, spring, not summer, cool, not cold
And it’s warm, not hot, has everyone forgotten that we’re getting old
And it’s fall, not winter, spring, not summer, cool, not cold
And it’s warm, not hot, have we all forgotten that we’re getting old

”

These Are Things I Think Daily.

Mon, 12 Dec 2011 17:22:11 -0500

I’m in a philosophical and theological mood. I’m thinking way up high and I can’t complete the basic tasks my job requires of me.

I wanted to write about family; about how we should spend our lives investing in people and now houses and cars and suits and careers. Those things will fade, but people will enrich our lives. But then I got sidetracked.

I started to think about writing to people who are afraid of church, afraid of religion, and letting them know that church isn’t for good, put together people, church is for people. All people. We all need God and that’s why we go to church, not because we’re already good. If we were already good, we wouldn’t need him. But then I got sidetracked again.

A friend asked me how to find purpose in his life, or rather how to find the purpose in his life—the purpose. I told him our purposes are not something we know at the beginning of a journey, but rather something we find along the way, something we observe as we travel. There is a goal: to serve and glorify God and be more life him, but our specific purpose, be it defined by vocation or some service we provide to others, is under that larger umbrella. But then, once again, I got sidetracked.

I started listening to snippets of C.S. Lewis audio books, but I decided I couldn’t listen to them and work at the same time. My head is still stuck in his books though. I scanned through Mere Christianity and The Problem of Pain in a philosophy class in college, but never really dug into any of them. Some things really stuck out to me though and I can’t seem to shake them right now. Mere Christianity. Mere Christianity. He put more effort into titling his books than most take time to think about. What about Christianity is meager enough to be described by that adjective? What we believe, why we believe it, and the hope found in it—these things are, all together and separately, earth shattering. Have I been missing this? Am I treating my faith as if it were mere Christianity? And pain. Having been subjected to some intense pain in the not-so-distant past, I can see the problem of such a thing, but the way God uses this pain for His glory—and the fact that He allows, and therefore condones it—is something striking. Pain has taught me a lot of things and in turn strengthened my relationship with Christ quite a bit. But I still don’t have the full understanding.

I need to read through these books again. I forget these things all the time.

Come to think of it, I’ll just post this. Thoughts?

Knife.

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 11:57:06 -0500

I like to play music. A lot. One of my bachelors degrees is in music and voice was my concentration. Needless to say, I sing to myself quite often (feel free to judge). I love writing music, recording music, jamming with friends, and performing. I really, really love performing. The whole world disappears during a 45 minute set with good musicians and a good crowd. Recently, the main focus of my performing (used loosely here) has been on Sunday mornings at church. As the worship director, I’m often leading or supporting in a worship set, and sometimes just producing from from of house. I love that time that I have to bear it all and sing my guts out.

The issue I ran into when I was younger was actually performing during a set like that. Granted, I want to do well and I want the music to be great, but the main focus is to worship, not perform. In this context, that is a somewhat simple idea to grasp. But what about real worship? Is it playing music in front of a crowd? Or is it something more?

This weekend, Pastor Kent Chevalier (@kentchevalier) dropped some hard knowledge on us about worship in regards to Psalm 50 (check the sermon out at WWW.northway.org). The idea that he was driving at is this: does our 1 hour of worship on Sunday match our 167 hours of worship outside of church? We are creatures who were made worshipping; we are always worshipping something, the question here is what is/are that/those things?

To bring some clarity to this idea, that’s look at the first mention of worship in the Bible: Abraham and Isaac. Abraham says to his servants they should stay at the bottom of the mountain while he and Isaac go worship. Did he have an electric guitar and a sound system? No! He had a knife! His worship to God was being obedient and killing his only son, as the Lord had commanded. Similarly, Isaac knew they didn’t have a sacrifice and started to ask his father about it, but was obedient to Abraham and God and allowed himself to be tied to the altar and nearly killed. These men are displaying a life of worship, one that extends to every decision we make. Our worship to God is being obedient, being good stewards of what he has given us and honoring him with our gifts, time, money, actions, etc.

I am not here to say that I always worship God. I am a sinner and I don’t always do what is right. We all are in that same boat. How can we take steps to worship God daily? Start small. I hate that “WWJD” bracelets, but think about it: what would Jesus do when talking to a coworker? On a lazy Saturday afternoon? When an older person is in need? When presented with some responsibility? Do your homework, practice for rehearsal, do the dishes for your wife, pick up the kids for your husband; serve. Worship when it hurts, just like Abraham picking up that knife.

Thoughts?

Circles.

Sat, 19 Nov 2011 12:51:08 -0500

About a month ago I deactivated my Facebook. It was really a long time coming, and I can’t think of a good reason why I kept it as long as I did (aside from letting my Nana stalk me). I did it partially because I thought Google+ was all the rage and going to take off (that didn’t pan out), but the root of the decision lies in a more personal place: I had too many friends. Someone just said to themselves, “But Joe, isn’t that the point? Connecting with friends? ALL of them?” To a certain extent, I can say that I’m missing all those random connections that I otherwise do not have, but that just doesn’t balance it out for me. Facebook was meant to mimic real life social interaction, but was it really doing that? I submit to you that it was not.

Think about it: how many people do you text on a daily basis? How many people know your daily comings and goings? How many people are that heavily invested in you that you tell them EVERYTHING that’s going on? Do you have a number? Mine is somewhere between 6-10. Now think about the number of people that you share information with on Facebook every time you post. Mine was 1200. 1200 friends. 1200 people knowing everything that is going on in my life at all times. 1200 people that knew when I was happy, sad, angry, mournful. 1200 people who knew the exact song I was listening to. 1200 people who saw my new family photos the moment my sister uploaded them.

That’s really weird!

Now, I’m not saying everyone needs to go deactivate their Facebook, but think about all of these people seeing holes into you and ask yourself this: do you want them to? I sure didn’t. Not everyone I know should be privy to all those details. Sure, you can set all the privacy features, but I prefer to just not have it. If anything, I prefer to keep Google+ because I really appreciate the way they organize your friends. They use “circles,” different groups of people who see different things. I like that idea, but in real life I’d like to take it one step further.

My old mentor, guitar teacher, and one of my oldest friends, Pastor Bryon White (@bryonwhite) told me this many years ago: friendships will determine the quality and direction of your life; you show me your friends, I’ll show you where you’re headed. That’s heavy, but so true. I’ve seen my life flow back and forth through different phases and go different directions depending on the people I was spending time with and the people I was letting speak into my life.

Who are you spending time with? What are they speaking into your life? Where are they leading you?

I like to think about my relationships in the context of Spheres of Influence. These spheres are circles, much like those on G+, that your group friends into, but if you think about it as a bulls eye, you can align these spheres with differing levels of influence:

Inner Circle: these are people that are mutually influential with you. You speak into their life and lead them in certain directions, and you do the same right back. These are your peers, your closest friends and family, significant other, etc. This is the heavy circle.

2nd Circle: these are people who influence you, but you don’t necessarily influence them. Mentors, parents, pastors, teachers. Choose these people wisely. They will make a serious impact on your life if you let them.

3rd Circle: these are people whom you influence, but they don’t necessarily influence you. These are people you are mentoring, your children, teachers, younger friends, etc. Be good to these people—just as you are putting a lot of thought into picking your mentors, they put a lot of thought into picking you.

4th (Outer) Circle: these are people that you are acquainted with, but you don’t influence them and they don’t influence you. This is everyone and anyone you meet. As a Christian, I am always trying to make a good impact on these people, but I’m not putting the same kind of effort in that I am on the 3rd Circle.

The whole idea of a system like this is seeking out people who exemplify qualities you’d like to see in yourself. Find people who love God and live their lives in line with His Word and are helping others do the same. It may be tough to cut out other friends, but the change will be overwhelming. I challenge you to try this for even a month and see what the results are. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Thoughts? Feedback?

Lyrics.

Thu, 17 Nov 2011 17:16:01 -0500

I’ve been on an old Coldplay kick today and I haven’t had much time to sit and write anything inspirational, so I’ll leave you with the lyrics to one of my favorite songs: Life Is For Living. A nice hidden track on the end of their album Parachutes. I’ve gone back to this little 1:30 tune many times over the years when I’ve felt down, typically for hurting someone else. It’s a simple plea, and I will never got passed the last little couplet.

Now I never meant to do you wrong
That’s what I came here to say
But if I was wrong, then I’m sorry
I don’t let is stand in our way

‘Cause my head just aches when I think of
The things that I shouldn’t have done
But life is for living, we all know
And I don’t want to live it alone.

Counting Sheep.

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 11:20:16 -0500

I slept on my couch last night. Didn’t mean for that to happen, but it just did. I was so worn out that I couldn’t make it the 10 or so feet from my living room to my bed. If you’re a friend of mine, this may not seem like a strange thing; in fact, you’ll know that I have a knack for falling asleep anytime or anywhere. Mid conversation, then asleep. Working diligently, then out cold. Heck, I’ve even fallen asleep at concerts! I work myself to the bone every day and my body and mind just can’t seem to keep up. This, as you may imagine, isn’t a great way to operate, and I’ve been trying to get back to a more manageable schedule. One step in the right direction was to go home last night and watch TV and just veg out. The first half of that plan worked, and then I passed out during one of my favorite shows. I hate missing House!

We live in a day and age where information is always flowing and we are expected to be constantly moving. How can we possibly find rest in any of this? The rest I refer to is twofold: physical rest and spiritual rest. Physical rest comes fairly easily: buy a nice bed, schedule a few nights a week to be in it by 10. Simple. Spiritual rest is a bit trickier to come by. The thing that I often forget is thar physical rest DOES NOT result in spiritual rest. You have to find it another way.

The theologian Augustine penned this phrase in his book Confessions: we are restless until we rest in You. But…what does that mean? Is God a serta mattress and down comforter? To find rest in God we must redefine what we believe rest to be. You can be running around 19 hours a day, taking caffeine through an IV drip and still be at rest in God. Matthew 11.28-30 says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Are you weary? Are you burdened? Is your soul tired? This may be caused by the yoke (weight, responsibility) you carry every day. Are you fighting battles by yourself? Are you ever stopping to be refilled?

Philipians 4.6-7 says “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” So how do we find rest? Seek God! Pray, worship, fellowship with believers; just seek Him. Could it really be that simple? If you believe in the infallibility of God’s word, then yes, yes it is. Just seek Him. Don’t be anxious, don’t worry about anything, but in every situation seek God. It’s only in Him that we find peace.

In ministry there is an 80/20 rule: 80% of the time, do the things that drain you. 20% of the time, do the things that fill you up. For me, spending time with friends fills me up immensely. One night with good friends can make up for a week of craziness. My girlfriend (@emsteine) prefers to stay home and read or watch a movie; as an introvert that’s what brings her from the proverbial E to F. If we apply this rule to fill us up mentally and physically, should we also apply it to our spiritual rest? How often do you seek God? Sunday? Maybe two days a week? Do you read the Word each day, or just on occasion? I think this can make a significant difference in our lives.

I’m not going to pretend that I am always practicing this 80/20 rule physically or spiritually, but I think we should all challenge ourselves to make it happen and observe the results. Maybe one day we’ll push our time spent seeking God to 70/30 or 60/40. Maybe then we’ll find ourselves spiritually rested instead laying awake and counting sheep.

Hurricane.

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 10:47:59 -0500

I wouldn’t say that I’m necessarily a jealous person. I love my girlfriend very much (@emsteine for those on the tweetboxes) and I’ll do anything to keep her, but I don’t have to go kill anyone to do so. I’m blessed by the fact that she wants me and me alone, so my job as her boyfriend becomes much easier.

Recently a mutual friend of ours started calling her babe and honey and things like that, and while my initial reaction would have been to hit him, I realize that she doesn’t want anything to do with anyone other than me. So why be jealous? I prefer to just sit back and smile, knowing that she’s mine.

I wish I could say that my faith works the same way.

We are truly, as David Bazan put it, the prostitute wives of a minor prophet: we know we’ve got everything we need, all the love our hearts could ever handle, and yet we keep running away. Time after time, our minor prophet keeps coming back to save us, never angry, just thankful to have us back. Why do we run away in the first place? What else could be better?

I don’t profess to know what God thinks, but if I were in his shoes I would be pissed. Really, really pissed. Why would these people, who I gave my only Son for, keep running off to drink and gamble and make messes of their lives? Don’t they know I’ve got everything they need? If someone cheated on me as many times as I’ve “cheated” on God, I would have sent them packing a long time ago. But he keeps coming back. Over and over. Time after time. Just waiting patiently for us and then continuing to love us all the same.

One of my favorite songs begins with this line: He is jealous for me. Isn’t that a crazy notion? The God of all creation, jealous? But He has told us over and over in His word that he is, in fact, jealous; He wants us to only want Him. And this love that he gives us is, as the song says, like a hurricane. Strong, overwhelming, all encompassing.

We are sinful creatures, running from our Maker day after day, but we need to realize that no matter how far we run, He just wants us back. Broken, beaten, bruised, ruined; He wants us back exactly how we are. Let Him love you like a hurricane.

Hymns.

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 10:30:00 -0500

I have always been a fan of older music. Anything that started on tape or vinyl is just better than everything that’s being released these days. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of friends who are putting out wicked albums, but they’re just not the old music that makes me so nostalgic.

I grew up in an old school church. It was trying its darnedest to be hip, but failing miserably. Looking back, it’s almost amusing to think about it: you bring in an acoustic guitar, synth, some drums and a bass guitar and all of a sudden you think you’re hip? The audiophile in me wants to scorn them, but the Christian in me wants to give them a solid, “Good effort,” and, “maybe next time.” I could talk about musical proficiency in the church, but that is saved for another, longer post. The bottom line is this: they didn’t get it musically; you can’t take an old tune meant for piano and four part harmony and try to splice in all those other instruments without rewriting the song. But what they lacked musically, they made up for with lyrics.

Great is thy faithfulness. I surrender all. Fairest Lord Jesus. Many of us know these old hymns and can sing them from memory, but can we sing them from our hearts? How can we sing the words, “I surrender all,” and be disinterested? How can we say, “here’s my heart Lord, take and seal it,” and not be paying attention? The content of these hymns should be simultaneously exhausting and uplifting, filling us with joy and yet sending us to our knees before God. How do you think the authors felt when they openness these songs? Were they distracted by what their favorite celebrity just tweeted? No! They were 100% invested in what they were writing. These songs are powerful because they came from the heart.

I guess that’s why I love old songs: because I love the old mindset; the old way of doing, thinking and feeling; the old way of actually being sold out for God when you say you are.

Where has character gone? Integrity? Loyalty? I’m not sure I can answer that, but I say we start looking for them again. Why not start with old hymns?

Westerns.

Sat, 12 Nov 2011 13:22:47 -0500

Do you remember the men in old movies? Slow talking, respectful, strong (mentally/physically/spiritually), etc. They fought well, when they needed to, and shook hands after it. They were stern and disciplined well. They loved their families and would die for them in an instant. They were rough around the edges, of sound mind and pure heart.

What happened? Where did those men go? How do we get them back?

I hate to quote the song, but I want to be like John Wayne. Or at least the characters he played. Strong, moral, dedicated, hard working. I want to be able to teach people like he does in the movie “The Cowboys.” I want my words to be that meaningful, for my actions to be an example.

I’m hoping I won’t need to wait till I’m 40-50 in order to act like that, but I know a sure fire way to head in that direction is to spend time with men who are already like John Wayne. I’ve been fortunate enough to be surrounded by men who have learned a thing or two and are interested in sharing those things with knuckleheads like me. Now all i need to do is, well, follow through. I guess that’s the first step in a long journey. I know it will be worth it.

Grey.

Wed, 24 Aug 2011 16:41:28 -0400

“In each of us lie good and bad, light and dark, art and pain, choice and regret, cruelty and sacrifice. We’re each of us our own chiaroscuro, our own bit of illusion fighting to emerge into something solid, something real. We’ve got to forgive ourselves that. I must remember to forgive myself. Because there is a lot of grey to work with. No one can live in the light all the time.” -Libba Bray

Christian Blogs

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 16:40:25 -0400

How does one, as a Christian, get his or her blog recognized across the internet? One of three ways:

1) Re-post / comment on / critique other notable Christians’ blogs, essays or books.

2) Say completely ridiculous things pertaining to faith and/or make fun of other Christians.

3) Post intelligent, informed and well researched ideas and gain intelligent, informed and well researched readers.

I guess I’ve done a little bit of all three in this short post, but I’m going to try my darnedest to start posting, and keep posting, in line with the third.

Love always, Joe

Psalm 4

Thu, 19 May 2011 14:45:05 -0400

“Many, Lord, are asking, ‘Who will bring us prosperity?’ Let the light of your face shine on us.”

A friend of mine tweeted today, “There is a difference between knowing of God and knowing God.” I’ve said this many times myself, but when I really stop to think about it, do I really know him? Really? If I knew him as well as I should, I wouldn’t wonder about how I will provide for myself or how I will be able to conquer a new task. I would just know he is providing in every area in my life.

In this Psalm, David seems to almost be mocking those around him who wonder how they will provide for themselves, asking God to fill his heart with joy when they are blessed with grain and wine. David knows that he alone cannot make it; he can’t fully survive apart from God and his provision. If God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, shouldn’t we be trusting thay he can do the same for us? Jesus goes even further in the Gospel of Matthew and say don’t worry! Who of you by worrying can add even a day to your life?

David closes with saying he finds rest in God alone. Augustine echoed that sentiment saying that he is restless until he finds rest in God. So let’s stop worrying about tomorrow. God already has that covered. Stare today in the face and bless those around you with the love that comes from our Provider.

Psalm 3

Tue, 29 Mar 2011 13:58:27 -0400

“I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me. I will not fear though tens of thousands assail me on every side.” Psalm 3:5-6 NIV

What do you fear? As a child I was quite afraid of the dark. With all the horror movies and scary tv shows I watched, it was easy for me to assume that someone could be waiting for me, that some monster could be lurking around the next corner, somewhere in that deep blackness. Looking back I know there was nothing there, and even then I think I was smart enough to realize the boogieman isn’t real, but the unknown always outweighed my rational thoughts.

I’m finding that this same fear of the unknown is still present in my (young) adult life, but now it has nothing to do with turning off the lights. Many questions arise: where will I go? What will I do? What SHOULD I be doing? Have I been wrong this whole time? The amount of unknown circling around my head is quite frankly overwhelming and distracts me from what I do know. David, on the other hand, was not distracted.

David was not concerned about a vocation or location, he was concerned about his life! His son was trying to kill him and take the kingdom for himself. By all rights, David should have been plenty scared, but that was not his reaction. As he writes in this psalm, though his enemies outnumbered him and closed in on all sides, God was still there for him, protecting and eventually coming to his rescue.

We serve a God that is more powerful than armies, more powerful than circumstance, and more powerful than the unknown. Just as he provided for David and kept him safe, God will keep and protect his followers.

It’s time to stop losing sleep over the unknown and start resting in God’s great love.

Psalm 2

Mon, 28 Mar 2011 15:35:12 -0400

“You are my son; today I have become your father. Ask me and I will make the nations your inheritance, the ends of the earth your possession.” (vs 7-8)

I ask for a lot of things. Most of them I want selfishly. Some of them stem from more noble desires. But on the whole, I ask too much for what I don’t need and not enough for what I do need.

Humility. Patience. An open mind. A willing heart.

This psalm speaks of God’s wrath being brought to other nations at the hand of one of his servants (David or Nathan, which one specifically is unclear), but I feel that it can be applied to my life today. I’m not bringing God’s wrath on a nation, or on anyone for that matter, but it is clear to me that God will bless those after his own heart in order to further his kingdom.

I have a lot running through my head, a lot that I am looking to do, but are these things blessed by God or of my own creation? If I am willing, patient, humble — if I seek first the Father — all that I need will be given to me in order to further the kingdom. If God has just promised David (or Nathan) the nations, the ends of the earth, what can he give to me in order to fulfill his will? And more importantly, have I placed myself in a position to receive these things and bring Him glory?

He will give us what we need, that much is clear throughout Scripture (Matt 11). But am I trusting? Waiting? Listening? Am I asking for the tools to bring him glory, or am I asking for the nations…just to ask? Right now I will ask just to remember — to be still and know — so that I may be faithful with little and bring Him glory.

What does a scanner see?

Fri, 25 Mar 2011 08:40:08 -0400

What does a scanner see? I mean, really see? Into the head? Down into the heart? Does a passive infrared scanner like they used to use or a cube-type holo-scanner like they use these days, the latest thing, see into me — into us — clearly or darkly? I hope it does see clearly, because I can’t any longer these days see into myself. I see only murk. Murk outside; murk inside. I hope, for everyone’s sake, the scanners do better. Because if the scanner sees only darkly, the way I myself do, then we are cursed, cursed again and like we have been continually, and we’ll wind up dead this way, knowing very little and getting that little fragment wrong too.

-A Scanner Darkly

January 2011.

Mon, 31 Jan 2011 11:02:20 -0500

I havent posted in a hot minute. I had some things I wanted to post, but never thought about it when I was at my computer. I thought about posting from my phone, but I figured that would take too long. So here is a short post. While I’m thinking about it. From my phone.

January had been a good month: I moved into a new apartment, started dating a killer gal, and finally started playing music again. I’m excited about all 3, but I want to highlight the music. Since Recession broke up (or slowly disappeared from view) I haven’t really written any new material or played out. At all. I play at church and don’t get me wrong, I love it, but I miss playing at some random dive bar for people who only want to half listen. Strange, I know, but playing out is a passion of mine and I want it back. I’ve played a couple little gigs with my buddy Daniel Snoke and I’m actually starting to write again. The plan is to put together a new album.

I want to be involved in as many music projects as I can handle and I want to record a real, honest to goodness album, unlike the little recordings I put on CDs before. Schultzie has offered to help and I’m looking to get kevin in on the fun as well. I want a band, a solo project, a two piece, another band, and like four more projects. I’m addicted. I just find myself lacking the necessary equipment/skill/know-how to do all of that on my own. Unfortunately I can’t beg on the street like a crack addict because no one will drop a digi 003 in my cup, but I’ll find a way to make it happen.

I lack patience. I have much more than I did a few years ago, but I still subscribe to my generation’s “Instant Gratification” mentality. I want my girlfriend to move here. I want recording equipment. I want a new album. I want to make money playing music. I want a lot of things. These things all take time, though, and that is what I must remind myself.

So. If you were one of the lucky few who read this, you now know my feelings for the month of January in the year 2011. If you also happen to be blessed with oodles of cash and you feel like giving it away, first give to charity and the church, then to me. Kthxbai.