i had a strange epiphany today, triggered by a strange feeling. i wouldn’t call it an “out of body experience” because i was quite conscious of what i was doing, it was more of an “out of mind” experience in a way (which i’m sure some of you would say is much better for me). for about 15 minutes, while i was driving home, i didn’t just see the same trees and hills and cars that i saw everyday, i saw huge pieces of earth stretched out before me, humbly allowing me to drive across them. the clouds seemed inches from space and i found myself feeling small. it shook my world because i felt the world was not mine, nor was it any of ours. we’re just existing on it and told to take care of it, though we’re not doing a good job at either of those things.

it hit me that i am just a speck on the face of the earth and a blink in the course of time. and yet, there are those that think the world of me. right when i was attacked by these thoughts, i got a text from my sister. the family was waiting for me to be home to cook dinner. waiting for me, a speck. it was strange. my whole life i just assumed my parents would be home to provide for me. it was just the way it was. and yet i watch law and order (my favorite show) and see people (made up people, realistically, but things like that happen to real people everyday) be abused and killed and i don’t think twice about it. what if one of them was my mother? my father? would it still be so insignificant?

we are small and fragile and fleeting, but we still are. if only everyday i didn’t think so much about what’s going on in my head and stopped to ask who i can help. in the whole scheme of things, i’m really not that big or that important, and by the same token, neither is my father. but if he wasn’t here, who would make me hot dogs?