About a month ago I deactivated my Facebook. It was really a long time coming, and I can’t think of a good reason why I kept it as long as I did (aside from letting my Nana stalk me). I did it partially because I thought Google+ was all the rage and going to take off (that didn’t pan out), but the root of the decision lies in a more personal place: I had too many friends. Someone just said to themselves, “But Joe, isn’t that the point? Connecting with friends? ALL of them?” To a certain extent, I can say that I’m missing all those random connections that I otherwise do not have, but that just doesn’t balance it out for me. Facebook was meant to mimic real life social interaction, but was it really doing that? I submit to you that it was not.

Think about it: how many people do you text on a daily basis? How many people know your daily comings and goings? How many people are that heavily invested in you that you tell them EVERYTHING that’s going on? Do you have a number? Mine is somewhere between 6-10. Now think about the number of people that you share information with on Facebook every time you post. Mine was 1200. 1200 friends. 1200 people knowing everything that is going on in my life at all times. 1200 people that knew when I was happy, sad, angry, mournful. 1200 people who knew the exact song I was listening to. 1200 people who saw my new family photos the moment my sister uploaded them.

That’s really weird!

Now, I’m not saying everyone needs to go deactivate their Facebook, but think about all of these people seeing holes into you and ask yourself this: do you want them to? I sure didn’t. Not everyone I know should be privy to all those details. Sure, you can set all the privacy features, but I prefer to just not have it. If anything, I prefer to keep Google+ because I really appreciate the way they organize your friends. They use “circles,” different groups of people who see different things. I like that idea, but in real life I’d like to take it one step further.

My old mentor, guitar teacher, and one of my oldest friends, Pastor Bryon White (@bryonwhite) told me this many years ago: friendships will determine the quality and direction of your life; you show me your friends, I’ll show you where you’re headed. That’s heavy, but so true. I’ve seen my life flow back and forth through different phases and go different directions depending on the people I was spending time with and the people I was letting speak into my life.

Who are you spending time with? What are they speaking into your life? Where are they leading you?

I like to think about my relationships in the context of Spheres of Influence. These spheres are circles, much like those on G+, that your group friends into, but if you think about it as a bulls eye, you can align these spheres with differing levels of influence:

Inner Circle: these are people that are mutually influential with you. You speak into their life and lead them in certain directions, and you do the same right back. These are your peers, your closest friends and family, significant other, etc. This is the heavy circle.

2nd Circle: these are people who influence you, but you don’t necessarily influence them. Mentors, parents, pastors, teachers. Choose these people wisely. They will make a serious impact on your life if you let them.

3rd Circle: these are people whom you influence, but they don’t necessarily influence you. These are people you are mentoring, your children, teachers, younger friends, etc. Be good to these people—just as you are putting a lot of thought into picking your mentors, they put a lot of thought into picking you.

4th (Outer) Circle: these are people that you are acquainted with, but you don’t influence them and they don’t influence you. This is everyone and anyone you meet. As a Christian, I am always trying to make a good impact on these people, but I’m not putting the same kind of effort in that I am on the 3rd Circle.

The whole idea of a system like this is seeking out people who exemplify qualities you’d like to see in yourself. Find people who love God and live their lives in line with His Word and are helping others do the same. It may be tough to cut out other friends, but the change will be overwhelming. I challenge you to try this for even a month and see what the results are. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Thoughts? Feedback?