strange. school starts up again and i’m the least bit overjoyed. actually, not strange. i’ve got to be honest: i’m so over it. class and busy work have been the bane of my very existence since i was old enough to function. thank you, gov’t. i’d love to say that the voluntary, after high school thing is better, but i’d be lying. school will always be school and i will never be a fan.

the one thing that keeps me excited about a new year is what i’ll learn. and no, i don’t mean in class. i mean the other 8-10 hours a day that i’m awake and not taking notes. i’d pay twenty-five grand just to hang out with all of these people. nothing could compare to how i’ve grown and what i’ve learned thanks to the environment i’ve been placed in. granted, it hasn’t been smooth or easy, but it’s been happening and i’m thankful for that every day. that’s what keeps me going.

when i graduate, i’m not going to wave around two bachelors degrees and tell people what a wonderful scholar i am. i’ll just look at pictures of all of you and thank God.

i had a strange epiphany today, triggered by a strange feeling. i wouldn’t call it an “out of body experience” because i was quite conscious of what i was doing, it was more of an “out of mind” experience in a way (which i’m sure some of you would say is much better for me). for about 15 minutes, while i was driving home, i didn’t just see the same trees and hills and cars that i saw everyday, i saw huge pieces of earth stretched out before me, humbly allowing me to drive across them. the clouds seemed inches from space and i found myself feeling small. it shook my world because i felt the world was not mine, nor was it any of ours. we’re just existing on it and told to take care of it, though we’re not doing a good job at either of those things.

it hit me that i am just a speck on the face of the earth and a blink in the course of time. and yet, there are those that think the world of me. right when i was attacked by these thoughts, i got a text from my sister. the family was waiting for me to be home to cook dinner. waiting for me, a speck. it was strange. my whole life i just assumed my parents would be home to provide for me. it was just the way it was. and yet i watch law and order (my favorite show) and see people (made up people, realistically, but things like that happen to real people everyday) be abused and killed and i don’t think twice about it. what if one of them was my mother? my father? would it still be so insignificant?

we are small and fragile and fleeting, but we still are. if only everyday i didn’t think so much about what’s going on in my head and stopped to ask who i can help. in the whole scheme of things, i’m really not that big or that important, and by the same token, neither is my father. but if he wasn’t here, who would make me hot dogs?

either i have too much stuff or… well, i guess i just have too much stuff. there is no way to possibly fit all that i have into a room that i’m sharing. thus, i left some of what i own at home when i moved to my apartment. but now that i’m moving back, i can’t seem to find room for what once had room. and in trying to make room, i’m upsetting a number of people, namely theodore. i know i have to respect his needs and his preferences, but am i due the same respect? i’d go into detail, but you’d have to grasp a deep understanding of the size and layout of my room. so let’s just say that they way josh wants things leaves me with enough room for a bed and… nothing. i don’t need a desk or whatever, i don’t need a wall devoted to my guitars and the stacking of my amps, but i’d like to keep them somewhere. it looks like i’m just gunna have to move into the garage. and for those of you who know the terror of pittsburgh winters and those of you who understand the fragility of musical instruments, you know that means trouble.

too many buccis, not enough house.

or maybe it’s just too much of my ego. i just want somewhere to put my stuff…

man i’ve been busy. i’ve been so busy that i’ve gotten to the point, as i often do, that when things slow down i feel like i’m being useless. maybe not useless, but i get really bored. and it’s not that things aren’t happening; it’s not like i don’t have work to do. i just tend to prioritize things incorrectly, choosing those things of least importance but most excitement over those things that necessarily need to be done. it’s a problem i have, one that has gotten me into trouble before. i don’t need any more work to do, i don’t need more appointments. i just need to thank God for downtime and use it for those things that really need to be done. that’s gunna take a while, i can promise you that.

I’m doing sound in this huge room.

That just happened.

I get to play this :D

Yes, there is cable in my office.

so since i’ve been sick and stuck in my apartment for the past couple days, i’ve been frequenting Stumble Upon and i made my way to wikipedia and reading up on a couple interesting locations. whilst i was reading about those locations, i said to myself, “self, why don’t you read about where you’ve lived?” so i promptly looked up cherry hill, nj and brighton township (beaver), pa. i’ve found out some really interesting things about the both of them and i’ll list some here so you can get the gist of where i moved to vs. where i came from.

size: BT- 19 sq mi; CH- 24.4 sq mi

population: BT- 8,024; CH- 71,586

avg income: BT- $58,895; CH- $95,559

demographics: BT- 97.96% white; CH- 84.67% white

things are just… different. cherry hill’s site makes mention to their spectacular school district and blue ribbon honor schools while neither beaver nor bright township make mention of any schools or even a school district. the population density is ridiculous too. cherry hill has a density of 2,934 ppl/sq mi vs. brighton township’s 422 ppl/sq mi. heck, the whole of beaver county only has 2 1/2 times as many people and 18 times more land!!!

it’s safe to say i live in po-dunk, pa right outside of REALLY po-dunk, pa. just thought that all was interesting.

update: in 2006, cherry hill was named one of the ‘best places to live’ in america by money magazine and was also rated the eighth (8th) safest place to live in the same survey. how ‘bout them apples?

i find it funny that some things which make us better are often so hurtful or hard to deal with. like a fever, for example: your body tempurature rises substantially above its normal and balanced state, causing aches and pains all over your body and banishing you to your cosy, albeit cold, room. if you’re like me, “simple fevers” bring out 103, 104 degrees fahrenheit from your body and bring with them a serious amount of pain. but all of this pain and befuddlement is a sign that your body is fighting back and, in most cases, winning.

it always takes aches, pain and time to get over everything that has gone wrong. the same goes for fever and for major mistakes we’ve made that hurt ourslelves and others. fever tends to come on its own and in its own time, but if you could deal with a sickness before it takes over, would you? would you learn from it and make sure the steps that made you sick are not taken again? if you wait too long, you’ll be at its will and only time will tell when, or if, it will ever break.