boejucci.

Hmm.

So im about to graduate from college. I think my last post was about how stressed i was about a job and work i hadnt done. Oddly enough i have the job, but the work seems to never stop. I keep thinking to myself that things will be better when i can leave work at work. But i think thats just a false premonition. Each new point in life comes with its own new challenges and none is easier than the one before. I guess we’re just supposed to be prepared; to be competent enough to handle those new challenges. At 21 i’d say i was competent at many things, but i can’t possibly try to say i can handle those things that lay ahead. The simple reason is that i don’t know what is ahead! How can i sit here and say i can handle it when i don’t know what the “it” is? I guess i’ll just stick to what i have right here in front of me and take this last finals week one day at a time. God has blessed me in so many ways and i’m so thankful to be where i am. Now it’s my turn to finish up and move on to the next part he’s put before me and still try to get some sleep. here’s hoping i break even. sent from my phone Joey Bucci 856.524.0878 joseph.b.bucci@gmail.com

fake bricks and commentaries.

So I’ve been sitting here at Starbucks (I know, I’m not supporting local business, but there is live music at the local coffee shop and I can’t concentrate) for close to 3 hours and as much as I’m focusing on my work, I can’t help but let my mind wander. Did I get that job? What car am I going to buy? Can I even afford a car right now? How much longer can I pretend I’m not a student? I know I shouldn’t be worrying, but I just can’t help myself.

This is an eerily pivotal point in my life and it’s all starting to get to me. There are few things I need: to finish college, a job, a car, health insurance. Those bring home rent, food, etc. There are also a couple of things I want pretty badly: the flexibility to continue making music, to no longer have homework and the stress of college, a large car (or SUV). But what if all of my wants and needs are somehow backward? Everyone I know tells me something different and my heart and my head are at odds. For this being such an important point in my life, it seems awfully ambiguous. I’m fully aware of what’s going on around me. Whether or not I choose to let them effect is my own undoing. I know that college is just a way to get a degree that I can use to ransom a salary from some large company, and I’m all about sticking it to the man, but there’s no way to win in this situation. To drop out would be retarded. Absolutely retarded. I’m 3 months from 2 diplomas—free ones at that. But I hate that I need them and need to impress some employer just so I can go on living. It seems there is no room for idealism in the world today and so I’m over trying to convince people otherwise. I’m just rambling.

I just wish things weren’t so uncertain. If my life is supposed to be as “cookie cutter” as I’m told it is, why do I have no idea what the heck is going on? It’s supposed to be as simple as college-job-house-family-kids, rinse and repeat. But alas, it is not so. Don’t think I’m looking to make things overly dramatic—that’s not the plan. I’m just trying to figure out how all of this is done. Here I sit, looking at fake bricks and commentaries, unraveling the nuances of the Christian faith and the deepest realms of the human soul, and ultimately wondering, “if I buy gas, will I have enough money for dinner?” And so I’ll wait upon God, hoping, when I should be knowing, that He is going to take care of me. The last time I made life plans, I moved 350 miles to a town I’d never heard of. I really hope that doesn’t happen again.

Job Search Mania.

I know I haven’t updated in a while, but I’m in a particularly boxed-in mood combined with an excess of geek. So i figured I would get back on the horse and let you know what’s up.

I recently interviewed for a position at the Educational Management Corporation. They own the Art Institutes, Argosy University, South University and Brown Mackie College. The position I applied for was Assistant Director of Admissions for their online programs.

Let me clear up some confusion:
1) There are like 30 ADA positions. It sounds fly, but it’s not much different from what I currently do at Geneva.
2) I have said before that the position was with the Art Institute of Pittsburgh. That’s only mostly right. I could work for any of the schools owned by the EDMC (except Brown Mackie, since they don’t have an online program). It’s possible I won’t be working for AIP, but I’ll be in the same building doing the same work.
3) I’m still in the running, despite the recent drama-filled Tweets I’ve been flooding you all with.

I should be hearing back from the EDMC this next week and hopefully I’ll be getting the job. I’ve been planning on moving into the SouthSide with Bryan Humphreys (AKA b-hump, humpy, hump-tastic or a number of other things) and this would make everything work out quite well. If it falls through, I’m sure I can find something else. But I’d like this job and I’m sure it’ll treat me well. So. It’d be cool if I get it. I’ll let you all know at a later date.

Coffe.

The other day, I went home and skipped class and had coffee with my mom. It wasn’t about anything special, I just needed to go home and grab something and we just got to talking. About school, my car, clothes, carpets, HGTV, etc. So basically…nothing. But it was wonderful. My mom works a lot. Maybe yours doesn’t, but mine does. And I don’t really get to see her every day. I often leave early in the morning and get home late at night and she works crazy hours too. So when I get to see her (and she hasn’t been awake for 72 hours) I try to spend time with her. It’s strange that I never really felt like I missed her. I mean, we live in the same house. But I truthfully hardly see her. The time I spent with her was great. I really did miss her. For those of you thinking I’m crazy: go say hi to your mom. Or call her. Or something. Even if you move away, she’ll always be your mom. Don’t wait too long before you tell her you love her. Mom, if you’re reading, I love you too.

melpomene.

overbearing. too much. i get that a lot. but it would be awesome if that wasn’t the case right now.
i think way to much, but i just don’t know the answers and so i continue to think.
i wish i crawl out of my own head and watch things fall around.
entropy is for optimists. failure is for pessimists. worrying belongs to the realist.
happy, sad, mournful, joyus. are they all love songs?

open my eyes or cut my skin to see clearly.

8.30.

Man, I’ve been really frustrated recently. Why? A number of things, I guess. I’m just rather stressed over a whole lot of nothing. I mean, it’s all something, but, I don’t know. I’m just talking in circles.

I guess I’ve been the most stressed about things that have just been sitting in my mind. All of these things that aren’t worked out, that are just kind of floating, waiting to be resolved. It’s killing me. I work myself into a panic most times. I wish everything could be on some kind of a check list or a timeline, something tangible that I could cross things off of. I’m not real big on checklists, but it always seems i make one in my head. And these aren’t the type of things you’d normally put on a check list, like, “take out trash,” or, “call the doctor.” Ahhhh. I just think too much.

Maybe if i went to bed at 8.30 I would just sleep through the night, rather than keeping myself up by thinking.

ahh, to live alone.

it’s amazing to me how different i am on my own and in my parent’s house. when i live under their roof, i tend to be a bit more of a slob, not keep after my clothes, leave my desk a mess and never really come home. when i live on my own i do much the opposite: i clean up, i do the dishes, i keep my desk clear, i put my clothes in the hamper and i enjoy the silence of home. i keep telling myself it has something to do with some kind of ownership; knowing that i am the only one that will do the work drives me to do it. but that’s not a good excuse.

right now the rents are gone. it’s just me and teddy at home and while he doesn’t like to clean up very much, i have the sudden urge to take out the trash and run the dishwasher. strange, i know. the work has to get done somehow and if theo isn’t going to bunker down and do it, i guess it’s on me. this isn’t any diss to him (i know you’re the only one who actually reads my blog), it’s just an observation of my strange life and my strange double standards.

sometimes i really want a nine-to-five; just a simple job to go to, one i enjoy, and one that makes a decent amount of money. i don’t need a lot, i just need food, shelter, and cable. ha. i kind of want to be one of those old people who have “their shows” that they watch. i’d love to come home on a thursday night and make myself a sandwich and watch Bones or House or something.

it’s not extravagant, it’s not up-beat or anything to gawk at. it’s just…simple. it makes sense. and i searching for security amidst the risks i’m taking? i wouldn’t trade my music for anything. honestly. but a thursday night alone is eerily tempting.

so i cried in church today.

yup. just bawled.

i will admit i was a little embarrassed because i was sitting right next to bryan humphreys and i didn’t wanna cry in front of him. but i still did.

it was really very strange. the whole Christmas eve service i was sitting there and singing out, trying to let everyone around me know that i was better at singing carols than they were. conceited? yes. am i all the time? no. but the guy on stage was very good and rather than just accept that he was good, i had to prove to myself that i was good too. dumb, right? anyone in their right mind wouldn’t do such a thing. but i’d like to say i’m my right mind. although i’m not sure my right mind is THE right mind.

when the end of the service came, everyone started singing silent night accompanied by a light piano. very intimate, soothing; perfect for the candle-lit portion of the service. i opened my mouth to sing (once again just a bit louder than everyone else) but nothing came out. i just started bawling. i don’t know what happened, really. i just kept moving my mouth and pushing air but all that came out were tears.

i’m not trying to write about how sovereign this holiday is (though it truly is) or to call you all to silence. i was just broken by the sound of everyone else’s voices. i don’t know what this means yet (maybe just a simple, “shut up, joey”), but i’m glad it happened. i got to focus on the words of that old carol and i realized they do more than rhyme.